my stories

Monday, 18 July 2011

the feelings...

its good to be home today.. haha cuz i didnt go to school.. see? how weak i am.. having just a little heart broken n didnt go to school all of sudden whattafakkk! well, to be honest, my heart is still bleeding.. but it it less bleeding today cuz my sister is here, my mom is here.. they comforted me a lot even though they dont know what exactly my problem is. n yes, my problem is HIM. He is always be a problem for me, since i ve met him or known him over a year ago... my god. its been so long... today, he inbox me.. he said 'pls understand my situation. i do really love you n if we re really meant to be together, we will be someday..' and i replied 'do not inbox me anymore'.. whattha shittt??? easy to say dude, but the REALITY is , its not easy to be done! i am not mad at him.. i just mad with myself.. i cant handle myself with him.. i cant help myself.. its silly... really, it is.. if i would know that he would to this to me again, i wont go back with him, i wont let myslef love him back i will force myself to FORGET him... but i just CANT! why? why am i so stupid?? why i have been so reckless with my own feelings?????? i shudnt unblocked him! last night... i had a dream of him.. it was like a video.. he posted me a video of him playing basketball... n he was so... i dont know.. so HANDSOME in that video.. it makes me wanna hug him n tell him that i love him... i cried after i woke up.. SH*T ! and that was why i didnt go to school today... i just hope.. this is another test for me from Allah.. i wish.. this is the main reason that i didnt go to school today.. n my parents were so angry at me.. they thought i have get back to the old habits , MALAS PERGI SEKOLAH.. but really, i have leave the habits long time ago.. i just dont have the spirits right now... i just wish this gonna be over soon... cuz im helpless right now... :'(

Sunday, 17 July 2011

fooled around!

hey guys.. its been a long time... haha.. well, lately its been a very very very bad time for me... first one was about the friends problems but, that is already completed, solved! hurmm.. this time is about LOVE... love has always makes me feel so bad... in fact, it is very bad... few days ago.. i unblocked him.. u know, unblock that person whom i thought i could forget him... well, at first... turns out i was totally WRONG u know... i cant forget him.. okay,back to the story... it was fine for couple days.. he was there.. he is in malaysia now... in penang, it means , giving me a very BRIGHT opportunity to get back together with, yes, just like he said.  he is the one who came back for me, he said he was trying very hard to escape from the damn engagement... yeah, with that girl.. n came back here just to get back with me.. that was what he said.. he loved me. yeah LOVE.. its eternal u know... n its complicated, it hurts n u will never understand it.. because love exist not to be understood but to be felt, to be hurt, that is why LOVE is exist. before i forgot, he was engaged to his mother's choice of course.. n his mother totally HATES me which i dont know why, but that is okay... i am already fine with it, if not, i wouldnt unblocked him n started to fall in love with him again n over again like i never did before haha. end of that part. okay, blocked him for about a month n thought that ive already get over him, yeah, made an IDIOT N SILLY N STUPID N BASTARD MISTAKE., approved him back as a friend.. somebody told me, a friend of mine, new friend actly advised me to not get in love with him or too involving myself with him but , yeah... I JUST CANT. i am such a fool, a weak and an narrow minded woman, n also HYPOCHRITE ,

to make a story, just now which is this evening, i was chatting with him.... and yeah he was telling me that he LOVED me..... but there is a problemooo... his mother. yeah his motherrrr,  is now have leukemia n he was worrying that he will be the reason his mom dies... that was why he didnt want to tell his mom about this... about us.. actually, he already did but like i said his mom hates me n yeah probably still hate me , but i dont want him to be a disobey son.. no, of course not. i dont want just because of me, he will burn in hell because he disobey his mom. no... i am no one to be compared to his mom.. besides, he said that i ve never meet him n i am so in love with him n it is bad... well, he was true about one thing , i am so madly in love with him.. he also did tell me that i dont deserve him n i deserve someone's better.. hell no! i am the one who decide who is deserved for him n i dont care either he deserved me or not bcoz i love him n that means he does deserved me.. look at all this while... i was so madly in love with him.. n yet still now.. he is so special to me.. no one as ever loved me this way , like he did... y'know, sometimes we dont have to see or judge either that person is deserved us or not, it just , we knew it, instantly. well, that is what i think bcoz eventhough i ve never meet him, i love him. and i wished, to meet him one day. in fact, i want to marry him. well, i ve crying like an insane woman today, like ive lost a husband... haha.. but i realize something, he did love me... n thats good enough for me... at least, i ve learnt something from him... the meaning of being faithful to someone.. eventhough he asked me to move on, n get someones that i deserved, FINE! if ALLAH wills it, it will happened, if not.... hmmm...