hari raya and problemss...

hey ! first off all, sedih gila bhaii,,, raya tak best mana pun.. blom puas kot ray kat kampung. T__T tak best kan korang? haha.. well i am still happy u know, at least i can still beraya . alhamdulillah.. thanks to Allah.. :) anyways, malasnyaa nak pegi skola balik... homework pun belambak2 lagi. ! gila la... perghhh ... i dont know why laa i feel so sad about this.. about him .. aiyooo *tak habis2 lagi ke psl dia ni? yeah. tak habis! dan memang tak akan habis! tadi when i was just realize that he doesnt love me anymore, he was talking about other woman in his life, i was like... arghhh ! forget it la, rubbish2 je semua tu. nahhh i dont know.. i still love him. i thought when he is like, 'gone' from my life, i can forget him. haha! end of storyy! hehe :P

i have never been hurt like this..

today .. everything is over... its over now.. he is already with someone else and he said goodbye to me...

LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem ft. Lauren Bennett, GoonRock

the feelings...

its good to be home today.. haha cuz i didnt go to school.. see? how weak i am.. having just a little heart broken n didnt go to school all of sudden whattafakkk! well, to be honest, my heart is still bleeding.. but it it less bleeding today cuz my sister is here, my mom is here.. they comforted me a lot even though they dont know what exactly my problem is. n yes, my problem is HIM. He is always be a problem for me, since i ve met him or known him over a year ago... my god. its been so long... today, he inbox me.. he said 'pls understand my situation. i do really love you n if we re really meant to be together, we will be someday..' and i replied 'do not inbox me anymore'.. whattha shittt??? easy to say dude, but the REALITY is , its not easy to be done! i am not mad at him.. i just mad with myself.. i cant handle myself with him.. i cant help myself.. its silly... really, it is.. if i would know that he would to this to me again, i wont go back with him, i wont let myslef love him back i will force myself to FORGET him... but i just CANT! why? why am i so stupid?? why i have been so reckless with my own feelings?????? i shudnt unblocked him! last night... i had a dream of him.. it was like a video.. he posted me a video of him playing basketball... n he was so... i dont know.. so HANDSOME in that video.. it makes me wanna hug him n tell him that i love him... i cried after i woke up.. SH*T ! and that was why i didnt go to school today... i just hope.. this is another test for me from Allah.. i wish.. this is the main reason that i didnt go to school today.. n my parents were so angry at me.. they thought i have get back to the old habits , MALAS PERGI SEKOLAH.. but really, i have leave the habits long time ago.. i just dont have the spirits right now... i just wish this gonna be over soon... cuz im helpless right now... :'(

fooled around!

hey guys.. its been a long time... haha.. well, lately its been a very very very bad time for me... first one was about the friends problems but, that is already completed, solved! hurmm.. this time is about LOVE... love has always makes me feel so bad... in fact, it is very bad... few days ago.. i unblocked him.. u know, unblock that person whom i thought i could forget him... well, at first... turns out i was totally WRONG u know... i cant forget him.. okay,back to the story... it was fine for couple days.. he was there.. he is in malaysia now... in penang, it means , giving me a very BRIGHT opportunity to get back together with, yes, just like he said.  he is the one who came back for me, he said he was trying very hard to escape from the damn engagement... yeah, with that girl.. n came back here just to get back with me.. that was what he said.. he loved me. yeah LOVE.. its eternal u know... n its complicated, it hurts n u will never understand it.. because love exist not to be understood but to be felt, to be hurt, that is why LOVE is exist. before i forgot, he was engaged to his mother's choice of course.. n his mother totally HATES me which i dont know why, but that is okay... i am already fine with it, if not, i wouldnt unblocked him n started to fall in love with him again n over again like i never did before haha. end of that part. okay, blocked him for about a month n thought that ive already get over him, yeah, made an IDIOT N SILLY N STUPID N BASTARD MISTAKE., approved him back as a friend.. somebody told me, a friend of mine, new friend actly advised me to not get in love with him or too involving myself with him but , yeah... I JUST CANT. i am such a fool, a weak and an narrow minded woman, n also HYPOCHRITE ,



to make a story, just now which is this evening, i was chatting with him.... and yeah he was telling me that he LOVED me..... but there is a problemooo... his mother. yeah his motherrrr,  is now have leukemia n he was worrying that he will be the reason his mom dies... that was why he didnt want to tell his mom about this... about us.. actually, he already did but like i said his mom hates me n yeah probably still hate me , but i dont want him to be a disobey son.. no, of course not. i dont want just because of me, he will burn in hell because he disobey his mom. no... i am no one to be compared to his mom.. besides, he said that i ve never meet him n i am so in love with him n it is bad... well, he was true about one thing , i am so madly in love with him.. he also did tell me that i dont deserve him n i deserve someone's better.. hell no! i am the one who decide who is deserved for him n i dont care either he deserved me or not bcoz i love him n that means he does deserved me.. look at all this while... i was so madly in love with him.. n yet still now.. he is so special to me.. no one as ever loved me this way , like he did... y'know, sometimes we dont have to see or judge either that person is deserved us or not, it just , we knew it, instantly. well, that is what i think bcoz eventhough i ve never meet him, i love him. and i wished, to meet him one day. in fact, i want to marry him. well, i ve crying like an insane woman today, like ive lost a husband... haha.. but i realize something, he did love me... n thats good enough for me... at least, i ve learnt something from him... the meaning of being faithful to someone.. eventhough he asked me to move on, n get someones that i deserved, FINE! if ALLAH wills it, it will happened, if not.... hmmm...

frens n school n HIM

its holiday!!! means BORING.. ==' well last thursday was awesome ! haha.. aliah n mimi n ckin were awesome too! but aliah said she 's gonna convert her study to uitm.. hmmm.. i wish she doesnt have to go bcoz she knows how lucky she was in form 6! huhu.. now im talking about him. yeah, HIM! REMEMBER?the one who dumped me bcoz of his mum? well now im gonna blame him.. he is totally a JERK! his fren told me that all  this while he has been fooling me around n it was a great game! GOD! i shud be expected this ! n the weird thing is, i dont feel sad at all.. HAHA! this is because im tired of crying n God knows that i shudnt waste my tears for him. its worthless... he dedicated me a song. yes, the song describes me, n what i feel towards him. since he dumped me for the 1st time. this is the second time he did this to me. well, fine then. i am alright. i am just fine here. plus, he is not the only player here. me too. i repeat , I AM A PLAYER TOO. so what? he thinks he is good? hmmm not so fast my dear.. but i will have my sorry for him bcoz he's gonna catch a cold from the ice inside his soul... he is going to be alone... n he will never ever feel the power of the true love.. cuz he doesnt know what love is. . . its better dont come for me at all ! coz that time , i'll treat u just like a rubbish on the street.. n u know what does it means...

totally wrong

huhhh... everything is happening without i expected today... there are things went wrong n some thing happened today. but i feel a bit sad bcoz i think i ve lost one of my fren today.. this is all happened bcoz of a new feelow in our class today. she was her bestfren. n suprisingly she ignored me. what a bad day.. i thought she was my fren but she was not. she is just an ordinary fren that is easy come easy go.. compared to the other fren, even though she was kinda like to tease me but she didnt ignored me like my fren was.. i feel sad, horrible, mad, frustrated n annoying in a same time.. n that new fellow was very2 bad influence for me.. oh my GOD she is sucks as hell!! she is rude to teacher, n many people told me that its better not to befriend with her cuz she is a virus.. a very bad virus. n she seems not satisfied with me... well, just wait n see mila who is better.. i can prove to scha , ( my fren who asked me not to messed up with her) how is it when 'buku bertemu ruas'.. she doesnt really know who i am... haha.. actly i dont wanna create problems at this new school but if i have to, i will.. well, everything was different today.. totally different.. okay!! nest post coming up soon! (maybe tonight? maybe not) hahahahhaha ADIOSS:P