hari raya and problemss...

hey ! first off all, sedih gila bhaii,,, raya tak best mana pun.. blom puas kot ray kat kampung. T__T tak best kan korang? haha.. well i am still happy u know, at least i can still beraya . alhamdulillah.. thanks to Allah.. :) anyways, malasnyaa nak pegi skola balik... homework pun belambak2 lagi. ! gila la... perghhh ... i dont know why laa i feel so sad about this.. about him .. aiyooo *tak habis2 lagi ke psl dia ni? yeah. tak habis! dan memang tak akan habis! tadi when i was just realize that he doesnt love me anymore, he was talking about other woman in his life, i was like... arghhh ! forget it la, rubbish2 je semua tu. nahhh i dont know.. i still love him. i thought when he is like, 'gone' from my life, i can forget him. haha! end of storyy! hehe :P

i have never been hurt like this..

today .. everything is over... its over now.. he is already with someone else and he said goodbye to me...

LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem ft. Lauren Bennett, GoonRock

the feelings...

its good to be home today.. haha cuz i didnt go to school.. see? how weak i am.. having just a little heart broken n didnt go to school all of sudden whattafakkk! well, to be honest, my heart is still bleeding.. but it it less bleeding today cuz my sister is here, my mom is here.. they comforted me a lot even though they dont know what exactly my problem is. n yes, my problem is HIM. He is always be a problem for me, since i ve met him or known him over a year ago... my god. its been so long... today, he inbox me.. he said 'pls understand my situation. i do really love you n if we re really meant to be together, we will be someday..' and i replied 'do not inbox me anymore'.. whattha shittt??? easy to say dude, but the REALITY is , its not easy to be done! i am not mad at him.. i just mad with myself.. i cant handle myself with him.. i cant help myself.. its silly... really, it is.. if i would know that he would to this to me again, i wont go back with him, i wont let myslef love him back i will force myself to FORGET him... but i just CANT! why? why am i so stupid?? why i have been so reckless with my own feelings?????? i shudnt unblocked him! last night... i had a dream of him.. it was like a video.. he posted me a video of him playing basketball... n he was so... i dont know.. so HANDSOME in that video.. it makes me wanna hug him n tell him that i love him... i cried after i woke up.. SH*T ! and that was why i didnt go to school today... i just hope.. this is another test for me from Allah.. i wish.. this is the main reason that i didnt go to school today.. n my parents were so angry at me.. they thought i have get back to the old habits , MALAS PERGI SEKOLAH.. but really, i have leave the habits long time ago.. i just dont have the spirits right now... i just wish this gonna be over soon... cuz im helpless right now... :'(

fooled around!

hey guys.. its been a long time... haha.. well, lately its been a very very very bad time for me... first one was about the friends problems but, that is already completed, solved! hurmm.. this time is about LOVE... love has always makes me feel so bad... in fact, it is very bad... few days ago.. i unblocked him.. u know, unblock that person whom i thought i could forget him... well, at first... turns out i was totally WRONG u know... i cant forget him.. okay,back to the story... it was fine for couple days.. he was there.. he is in malaysia now... in penang, it means , giving me a very BRIGHT opportunity to get back together with, yes, just like he said.  he is the one who came back for me, he said he was trying very hard to escape from the damn engagement... yeah, with that girl.. n came back here just to get back with me.. that was what he said.. he loved me. yeah LOVE.. its eternal u know... n its complicated, it hurts n u will never understand it.. because love exist not to be understood but to be felt, to be hurt, that is why LOVE is exist. before i forgot, he was engaged to his mother's choice of course.. n his mother totally HATES me which i dont know why, but that is okay... i am already fine with it, if not, i wouldnt unblocked him n started to fall in love with him again n over again like i never did before haha. end of that part. okay, blocked him for about a month n thought that ive already get over him, yeah, made an IDIOT N SILLY N STUPID N BASTARD MISTAKE., approved him back as a friend.. somebody told me, a friend of mine, new friend actly advised me to not get in love with him or too involving myself with him but , yeah... I JUST CANT. i am such a fool, a weak and an narrow minded woman, n also HYPOCHRITE ,



to make a story, just now which is this evening, i was chatting with him.... and yeah he was telling me that he LOVED me..... but there is a problemooo... his mother. yeah his motherrrr,  is now have leukemia n he was worrying that he will be the reason his mom dies... that was why he didnt want to tell his mom about this... about us.. actually, he already did but like i said his mom hates me n yeah probably still hate me , but i dont want him to be a disobey son.. no, of course not. i dont want just because of me, he will burn in hell because he disobey his mom. no... i am no one to be compared to his mom.. besides, he said that i ve never meet him n i am so in love with him n it is bad... well, he was true about one thing , i am so madly in love with him.. he also did tell me that i dont deserve him n i deserve someone's better.. hell no! i am the one who decide who is deserved for him n i dont care either he deserved me or not bcoz i love him n that means he does deserved me.. look at all this while... i was so madly in love with him.. n yet still now.. he is so special to me.. no one as ever loved me this way , like he did... y'know, sometimes we dont have to see or judge either that person is deserved us or not, it just , we knew it, instantly. well, that is what i think bcoz eventhough i ve never meet him, i love him. and i wished, to meet him one day. in fact, i want to marry him. well, i ve crying like an insane woman today, like ive lost a husband... haha.. but i realize something, he did love me... n thats good enough for me... at least, i ve learnt something from him... the meaning of being faithful to someone.. eventhough he asked me to move on, n get someones that i deserved, FINE! if ALLAH wills it, it will happened, if not.... hmmm...

frens n school n HIM

its holiday!!! means BORING.. ==' well last thursday was awesome ! haha.. aliah n mimi n ckin were awesome too! but aliah said she 's gonna convert her study to uitm.. hmmm.. i wish she doesnt have to go bcoz she knows how lucky she was in form 6! huhu.. now im talking about him. yeah, HIM! REMEMBER?the one who dumped me bcoz of his mum? well now im gonna blame him.. he is totally a JERK! his fren told me that all  this while he has been fooling me around n it was a great game! GOD! i shud be expected this ! n the weird thing is, i dont feel sad at all.. HAHA! this is because im tired of crying n God knows that i shudnt waste my tears for him. its worthless... he dedicated me a song. yes, the song describes me, n what i feel towards him. since he dumped me for the 1st time. this is the second time he did this to me. well, fine then. i am alright. i am just fine here. plus, he is not the only player here. me too. i repeat , I AM A PLAYER TOO. so what? he thinks he is good? hmmm not so fast my dear.. but i will have my sorry for him bcoz he's gonna catch a cold from the ice inside his soul... he is going to be alone... n he will never ever feel the power of the true love.. cuz he doesnt know what love is. . . its better dont come for me at all ! coz that time , i'll treat u just like a rubbish on the street.. n u know what does it means...

totally wrong

huhhh... everything is happening without i expected today... there are things went wrong n some thing happened today. but i feel a bit sad bcoz i think i ve lost one of my fren today.. this is all happened bcoz of a new feelow in our class today. she was her bestfren. n suprisingly she ignored me. what a bad day.. i thought she was my fren but she was not. she is just an ordinary fren that is easy come easy go.. compared to the other fren, even though she was kinda like to tease me but she didnt ignored me like my fren was.. i feel sad, horrible, mad, frustrated n annoying in a same time.. n that new fellow was very2 bad influence for me.. oh my GOD she is sucks as hell!! she is rude to teacher, n many people told me that its better not to befriend with her cuz she is a virus.. a very bad virus. n she seems not satisfied with me... well, just wait n see mila who is better.. i can prove to scha , ( my fren who asked me not to messed up with her) how is it when 'buku bertemu ruas'.. she doesnt really know who i am... haha.. actly i dont wanna create problems at this new school but if i have to, i will.. well, everything was different today.. totally different.. okay!! nest post coming up soon! (maybe tonight? maybe not) hahahahhaha ADIOSS:P

deactivate account...

he deactivated his account... with a message telling that ' bye i kne deactivate account' n GONE .. just like that...   i was stunted.. speechless...how could him kan? went off just like that.. n all the promises.. also gone or something? he hurt me for so many times.. but this time its different. i feel like losing him forever. okay. fine. i will get over this. FINE ! i can do it. i hope he will be happy with his life la kan. . . n hopefully he explains this to me one day.. hopefully. oh my god this is so HARD....

unforgetable LOVE

well.. i am willing to back off. this is for our own sake. we will be far away each other afta this.. n maybe she's the best for u.. thanks for all the love ,laughs , stories, smiles, sorrow n everything that we shared together... u make me happy... seriously.. whenever u come on9.. i feel like there is butterfly flying happily in my stomach n i cant avoid it... it makes me feel like living in a fairytale where my prince will always come for me, spreading the love into me... says the love words and its absorbed absorbed deep in my heart.. it is lovely.. it is happy.. n of course even we re nor meant to be together, no one can replace u.. u are always be my 'jacob black' that i adore, that i love, that i dream in every single night of my tight sleeps... its u.. it is always be u.. no matter how time heal everything,it will never heal my pain, my love, my happiness, my memories with u.. i wish we will meet someday, some place , my dear prince.. i'll be the juliet n u will be the romeo.. just like u wished, just like u said... no matter what... my dearest jacob black...n i, alwys be ur infinity... always.... i will remeber what u always say... to the infinity n beyond.. its our memory syg..

new classmate yg ANNOYING GILA ...ERGHHH!!

well, as usual... today went to school..and we have to "cheer up' our class as proposed by our class teacher... yeah, okay fine luckily la ketua keceriaan is my bestfren la.someone yg aku bole cooperate when buat kerja.(coz aku bendahari an) haha...okay, kinda tired tampal tu tampal ni gunting tu gunting ni..berpeluh2 aku dibuatnya! haha..da lama doe xbuat.. :p.. so far okay jugak, but there are two IDIOTS in my class yg came from majority students skola yg skola kat bukit guntong...we call is group BUNGA secretly. HAHA! seriously i hate them... ! berlagak nak mampos..nasib bek gang dorg tuh kelas perniagaan , nope kelas ekonomi cm ktorg..well, eko ni budak pandai skit, haha! kerek lagi , =='..ah forget about it! and today, we started to do some works la kan..bcoz our teacher wanna see the different in our class starting from this week. haha. so, a bit transformatuon has been done today.. tapi ade la IDIOTS tu tak faham bahasa kan...memang sakit hati gila sebab mase discussion last thursday punya la semangat cm SIAL. nak buat tu la, buat ni la, beli tu la beli ni la... ==' padahal xde jawatan ape2 pun...ktorg yg ade jawatan ni buat donnow je ngan dia. haha..seriously starting from today aku memg menyampah gila babi ngan dia.. hehe.. geram dow. lagi satu, ktorg rapat la (me n nani) dgn two boys dlm kelas tu..da dua org je boys dlm kelas ktorg kan... hehe... so nak buat camane dah memg la ktorg yg bertanggungjawab pasal keceriaan tu, so rapat la dgn ketua.. hehe.. TWO IDIOTS tu ntah ape tak puas hati ngn ktorg... jeles kot! eh sorry aku tak lapar la budak laki skola BUNGA k? hahahaha... so td aku suruh la sape2 yg xde kerja betugas tolong sapu2 jew..dia bole buat derk je ??? bengang aku! then aku mls la nak cari gado..then ktorg buat keje xbincang pun dgn dia .. hahaha...kita2je..:P padan muka! dah tu asik2 kuar  kelas..mane xkuarnye dah gang ade dekat kelas sebelah kan...so nak xnak kene la get out ..da la PEMALAS !! kalo cun xpe jugak ni muka cm BERUK je seko2 aku tgok..hehe... sian korang... pastu tadi pandang punya xpuas hati dekat aku n nani..what the HECK?? bajet aku goyang ah? eh sory sket eayyy...eee TAKUT2...:p..

ha ni pasal crush aku...ak ni kan satu je aku xsuka sal aku, kalau suka org tu, mesti xreti nak cover dah... ntah2 aku pandang dia smpai dia bole tahu kot.. anyways im so damn happy la ini hari..cuz byk kali la jugak dtg 'melawat' kelas aku en.. hehe..aku tahu , aku nmpak tpi just buat donnow jer... buat2 sibuk ngn keje... ==' mengada tol.. time dia xde ko sibuk la cari gatal gila.... time dia dtg aku bole jer wat tak tau... cehh... hakktuiiii..geli aku ngn diri aku !! haha.. so far, thats it for today... oh esok harap2 bole kenakan BUDAK BUNGA tu lagi !! hehe.. n see him again.. :P bye22 :D :D MOOD : HAPPY NAK MAMPOSSS hahasaaa

its a life..

heyy...what if i tell u that i hate boys?? unbelievable kan? but thats what i wanna do now..i wish i could hate boys .. ==' today ive blocked him.. padan muka dia! dah ade awek la konon...menggelabah... euww please la nape aku bole ade crush kat org bodo mcm tu?? i shudnt do that la... oh my...well, anyway, esok skola.. haha!! (gila pdahal xde pape nak tulis pon)

a crush or love or just a temporary replacement?

heyya blog! long time no see kan kan.. well its been a longgggg time since ive written a story.. haha now only got mood to do so... its about love of course... never missed love in my life.. and boys also. haha. its about someone that i love with all my heart. it was actly. he is someone, dont want to mention here cuz someone will vommit soon. anyways, he gone to somewhere which is far far far far awayyy from malaysia.. its somewhere in middle east. and of course, i ws half-dying to let him go.. its too painful. too painful until i got no tears to cry for.. never feel like this before. see im okay outside, but my heart, only GOD knows it.  but within the sadness, there is someone, who's quite close to me. actly, very close.. we re in the same case. but a bit different, the dif is, my ex still love s me but his ex doesnt love him cuz i know his ex very well... i started to fall for him. instantly! but i thought it was just a crush... well for me  when it is a crush, i dont care if he date someone else but this time i do really care! i was jealous when i found out he is seeing someone else now... i thought i could replace my ex... but he seemed doesnt like me. like i do. yah, it hurts but not really hurts cuz he still cares bout me. but im worried, what if , after this, he wont bothered me anymore??? what if, i cant tease him anymore ?? iam worried cuz i feel  so close to him! oh... i dont wanna lose him. really. n to him, if he reads this, please understand that i need u.. about my ex whom is somewhere in the middle east..... god knows how much i love u, but i have to accept the truth that we re not meant to be together, but yah i still believe what u always told me several times, we will meet someday kan? hopefully... n i hope when i meet him someday, he was made for me eversince..

'cakap tak serupa bikin'

aku ade stu cter au nak share2 nih...dlu2 tyme skola rendah la...(ceh padahal da tulis kat fb!) ade la sekumpulan budak2 bajet alim pakai tudung g skola an..haha....ada ke, one day,dorg nmpak ak pegi dinner xpakai tudung...tyme tu ak bru darjah 4 or 5..  cntu la..xingat. ha,tak baligh lagi pun! (ops kantoi).so tudung xwajib la kan? lagipun ak pakai tudung start form2 .. then tyme dinner tu manusia ni pndg2 la kat ak..so ak senyum n wat tak tau jelah. ak ingat xde ape2 la kan. besok tuh ak dtg skola,sume budak2 pompuan pandang smcm kat aku then ad la kwn ak ckp : sarah nape tipu ko ckp pakai tudung,tp kat lua xpkai tudung?
aku da bengang da! sah ni memg keje hamba Allah yg konon2 alim tuh! benci lar! tau la die pakai tudung,tp tudung pendek je,ikat reben . bongok! aku pun tyme da nak menagis,haha. tp selamba badak aku ckp, :memg la ak pkai tudung tp kat skola je,korg slah fhm ni. eleh,kecoh je dorg! padahal aku tau la yg kua bole bilang ngan jari je pakai tudung tuh! so dat day aku pun mula la taj berap disukai ramai..(ceh mcm iklan je).haha..tp recently la kan, ade la kwan2 lame ni ak jumpa kat fb, then ak tgok la fb die sebab die bodoh sgt buat fb tak private pics kat outsider ..so ak bole la tgok pics dia, mak aih!!! selamba pakai singet,bukak tudung,buat2 rambut then snap pics tayang kat jantan! ape kehal tuh? setahu aku,dlu die yg beriya2 ckp kenenpakai tudung...dosa. wajib. so,skng pe da jadi an....aku tegelak sorg2 tgok pics dia yg 'mantap' tu smbil ingat pe yg dia ckp kat ak dlu...bahahahahahhahahahahahahahaa!!!!!!! tu la,moral of the story , ko jgn ckp je, buat sekali! ni tak , oo kalau org tak pkai tudung je, kecoh nak mampus then siap mengata,eh hello korg, yg duk tutup litup tu la yg kalau jumpa laki tgedik2 cm sial! hahaha....aku gedik gak, tp tahu la batas nak gedik pun. tak gtu? haha..so,dont jugde the books by its covers...okay,thanks for reading yaw!! :)