the feelings...

its good to be home today.. haha cuz i didnt go to school.. see? how weak i am.. having just a little heart broken n didnt go to school all of sudden whattafakkk! well, to be honest, my heart is still bleeding.. but it it less bleeding today cuz my sister is here, my mom is here.. they comforted me a lot even though they dont know what exactly my problem is. n yes, my problem is HIM. He is always be a problem for me, since i ve met him or known him over a year ago... my god. its been so long... today, he inbox me.. he said 'pls understand my situation. i do really love you n if we re really meant to be together, we will be someday..' and i replied 'do not inbox me anymore'.. whattha shittt??? easy to say dude, but the REALITY is , its not easy to be done! i am not mad at him.. i just mad with myself.. i cant handle myself with him.. i cant help myself.. its silly... really, it is.. if i would know that he would to this to me again, i wont go back with him, i wont let myslef love him back i will force myself to FORGET him... but i just CANT! why? why am i so stupid?? why i have been so reckless with my own feelings?????? i shudnt unblocked him! last night... i had a dream of him.. it was like a video.. he posted me a video of him playing basketball... n he was so... i dont know.. so HANDSOME in that video.. it makes me wanna hug him n tell him that i love him... i cried after i woke up.. SH*T ! and that was why i didnt go to school today... i just hope.. this is another test for me from Allah.. i wish.. this is the main reason that i didnt go to school today.. n my parents were so angry at me.. they thought i have get back to the old habits , MALAS PERGI SEKOLAH.. but really, i have leave the habits long time ago.. i just dont have the spirits right now... i just wish this gonna be over soon... cuz im helpless right now... :'(